Wednesday, April 30, 2008

it's just... wrong

me, miss naughty*, her little sister, and naan met up to be cheapo and claim free ice cream (twice). of course, we were still less cheapo than some others in the queue, who were happily licking away at their newly claimed ice creams while queuing for another. it's hard to beat singaporeans in cheapo-ness la. at least we had the decency to walk around a bit as buffer time in between ice creams to ensure the servers would have rotated shifts and forgotten us.

anyway, things just got more wrong from here. little sister wanted to go to toys 'r' us. all i can say is, other than cheapo, ben and jerry's ice cream makes people bo liao as well.

we saw rows of this at the entrance.

someone pointed out that this veggie one was particularly cheap and cute.

the free ice creams had made us all high.

we put it a coin and got this:

an innocent looking radish, you say?

what about this then?

and this?

all together, now.

little sister eagerly pointed out that the sweet potato even had holes in erm. all the right places.

what is wrong with the japanese?!

how can they ever think of corrupting young children by making cute innocent harmless veggies into sexual beings with unspeakable anatomical parts?!

everything that happened yesterday is just so... wrong.

* miss naughty is so named for many reasons, one of which includes how she brought along her little sister to vivocity from 5p.m. to late at night before announcing matter-of-factly that she needs to go home soon cause little sis has an exam the next morning. when confronted with her reckless behaviour, she proclaims happily that she "used to shop the day before her exams in the past too!" if this isn't naughty, i don't know what is.

p/s: please feel free to approach me to ask what other naughty stuffs she has done.

p/s to miss naughty: please feel free to bribe me to avoid the above from happening.

eh hello, did i say you can take my picture?

Sunday, April 27, 2008

mother knows best

why the makers of Hello Kitty would make her soft toy cuter than her is beyond my understanding.
Cafe Cartel cakes are half price after 9. Being greedy and all, me and two friends sat in till after 9 and ordered three cakes: Bitter Chocolate Fudge Cake, Tiramisu, and Aunt Amy Chewy Chocolate Fudge Cake.

The cakes soon arrived.

"Here's your Tiramisu..."

"Bitter Chocolate..."

the waiter set the last cake down with a professional flourish.
"and your Auntie Amy",

I stared blankly at the cake before bursting into laughter right in front of him.

I usually try to only laugh behind people's backs but this was too much.

apparently Cafe Cartel is into localising their New York creations.

Auntie Amy! rocks on.

i think being mean doesn't pay off. later that night a friend sent me this. i didn't know to laugh or cry.
i got inspired by an evil friend who accused me of giving away his number to chatlines (why me?!) after receiving video calls of women (who were obviously not to his liking). i decided to call into a chatline for real and give out his number.

my virgin call went something like this:

*many many advertisements later...*

you are about to begin. please record your 15 second introduction after the *beep* sound. *beep*

hi, i'm XXX and this is the first time i'm calling in. i'm an easy going person, so please feel free to drop me a message.

thank you. please press 3 to begin listening to introductions from other people online.

*heavy breathing with a barely audible voice* hi girls....any horny girls out there wanna chat? *more breathing*

after tons of such breathy messages...

"you have a message"

finally!!! someone decent decided to respond to me! excitedly, i awaited my message.

"hi... you said you were easy going.... just how easy are you?"

undeterred, i tried again, this time with a friend.

"hi i'm mary and i like gardening and clubbing so pls drop me a message."

you have a message

"hi why are you calling a chatline if you're married?"

married? since when was i married? i ask my friend.
he must have misheard mary as married la.

i wanted to respond with
"why are you calling a chatline if you're hard of hearing?"

but my friend refused to entertain stupid people so that was the end of my second and last chatline attempt.

Monday, April 21, 2008

now that i've graduated...

i can dream about

pretty flowers in lacy bags

delicate leaves on wishing trees

happy thoughts of little girls turning ten

freckles on a sun kissed lass

high noses of impeccable tai-tais

and pretty ladies in cocktail glasses
i'm devastated. let's just say my black ghost fish lived up to its name.

can you spot eric?
i went to night safari the other day, and this was the only picture i took to remind myself of it.

the only thing you can see is a slice of watermelon. don't bother consoling me.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

it was rather depressing when i compared my room to some changing room in vivo city.

Random dressing room:

all you people who think your room is messy, think again.
My room:
i often wonder who's the parent and who's the child in my family.

i leave my door in the day with this tag,

and what do you know?

when i return at night this is what greets me.

apparently my mom had taken it upon herself to ensure my door sign reflects accurately the occupant's status.

another time, my mom brought a kiddy golf set home, claiming it was for me,

and this is what it says on the package.

the next thing i knew...

my dad was happily playing with it.


these are weakly electric black ghost knife fishes.

wikipedia writes that due to their weak electric discharge, a close, contained group of knife fish (as in an aquarium) will line up side by side.

isn't that cute? i imagine ghost fishes to be very romantic fishes with dime a dozen pick up lines.

"i'm so attracted to you"

"you electrify me"

"i detect chemistry between us"

"i felt something the moment you passed me"

"i get this a tingling sensation whenever you are near"

you get the idea.
look at that! a bunch of sweet well-wishing friendship bands!

you can wish your friend


sales for this band didn't look at all bad.
oh well, i guess we all know someone in our lives that we can give this to.


"quality with confidence", or qc, is the tagline of this pet food company.

but it's hard to believe when they cannot afford a copywriter or even a microsoft word grammar check.

"my owner always get treats for me because he love me. i'm cute and adorable, everywhere i go people will love to play with me."

4 mistakes in all. looks like qc really needs some qc.

"they pamper me with treats and lot of fun toy. everyone love my presents."

ta-da! only 3 mistakes for this one! an improvement!

am i stupid, or am i just stupid?

i was waiting at the bus stop to go to jurong east the other day.

not all buses terminated at jurong east, and so i was checking the boards to find out just which buses did or didn't so i knew where i should get off.

before i could finish with my checks, 198 arrived.

i happily flagged and hopped onto the bus.

"Uncle, does this bus go to the interchange?"


"does this bus go to the interchange?"

"ya..ya...boon lay interchange."

what a nice bus uncle.
had i met one that was meaner, our exchange would have gone like this:

"Uncle, does this bus go to the interchange?"

"you trying to be funny izit? which bus doesn't?"

Tuesday, April 1, 2008