Sunday, January 27, 2008

my latest ambition is pri sch science textbook writer

i was just pondering upon what reality was, and realised that our perception and belief of 'reality' is only mediated and understood through our five senses. anything that you cannot see, smell, touch, hear or taste is not 'real', since we are unable to experience reality through other senses.

why not feelings, emotions then, i wonder.

because: science was/is dominated by males, and this unfeeling, overly-rational specie has decided that feelings do not form what we know today as 'reality'. it's all in the head, they say. not something tangible you can see smell touch hear or taste.

is the experience of heartbreak any less real than touching a cold table or sniffing a zesty lemon?

i say, forget ESP. it's time we protested and officially make 'feeling' our sixth sense. from today on, all primary school children should be able to rattle offhand the six senses that they experience the world with.

traumatic experiences bring people closer

went to try turkish food with my bf for the first time in my life. i read the intro page of the menu. part of it said: turkish food tastes unlike any other cuisine.

i had to agree.

this were the remains of a platter we had with pita bread

the pizza

and this was our conversation:

i think i just saw a housefly fly over, hover over the platter then the pizza, and fly off.

u mean, it didn't even land on anything?

ya. i think there must be no houseflies in turkey.

*takes more bites*

i think u can gather ur boardgame-playing friends here, order a platter, and play loser-eat.

He ends the dinner with: i think we can market this like citronella. natural housefly repellant or something.

you know how some people say traumatic experiences bring a couple closer? i couldn't agree more.

don't you feel closer already, i ask him.

no, he replies. i feel nauseous.

Sunday, January 20, 2008

a walk down lecture lane

imagine this: you see yummy toffee pecan lollies going half price at your favourite supermarket.

you get really excited, and step away to open the chiller door.

you take a closer look at the words plastered on the door.

and realise that you do not want to look like toffee, pecans, or a slob of cream.

you walk away from the ice cream section, wondering what the hell the store manager was thinking...

towards the fried foods section...

then the whipped cream corner...

you only have one body, don't make it look like you have two.

here is where pretzels, doughnuts and pizzas are kept chilled.

and remember, eat lightly.

you walk out the door without buying anything.

Saturday, January 19, 2008

i found spiderpig!!!

my central discoveries

just went to Central, the relatively new shopping mall. here is what i found:

their chairs are not very conducive for chats. they're more appropriate for musical chairs. anyone wanna go there and play with me?

they have pretty pretty shops.

they sell amazing products that can make english letters pass off as japanese...

and even korean characters. admirable, isn't it?

my bus discoveries

i discovered a couple things sitting on the bus today.

look closely at this familiar design. notice where the designer gets his inspiration from?

the english alphabet! can you spot them? A...S..e...J...o...y...

singapore may not be as safe as we would like to believe.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

how to grow marigold and feel good about yourself

i usually kill every die-able thing i rear or keep (yes. you guessed right. the real reason behind my vegetarian diet is the need to atone for my numerous sins). hence, it came as a surprise to me that not only did my marigold not die on me, it grew to:

anyone who know my dark, murderous past would know this is one miracle. i call them my Merrygold because they make me merry whenever i see them, and i hope they bring me gold. let me share with you some tips on Growing Marigold and Feeling Good About Yourself:

1. firstly, before you do anything at all, get your mom's full approval and support. financially speaking, this makes sense. you don't want to have to pay for chicken shit, do you? the seeds may cost you $1.60, but pots and soil can cost you a fortune. haven't you heard of that saying? THEY reap (from) what you sow.
not to mention that if you do get her emotional support, she ends up tending for them. mothers and plants just go well together- they can understand each other; both keep contributing silently but never get acknowledged for their efforts.

2. get these Jiffy plant starters. they really live up to their name. these get your plants growing in a jiffy; the marigold grown directly into soil as compared to those grown using these look really different.

3. you know how they always say like dog, like owner? apprently this doesn't apply to plants. marigolds love sun. see, the only issue i have with them is their love of sunlight. if they weren't so insistent on having to have sunlight all the time, i could have them in the house. we would be inseparable.

4. lastly, snip off all dying flowers or the marigold will not last more than a year. marigolds are very dedicated and self-aware of their one true goal in life (shame on humans)- to propagate and then die off to make way for the future generation. if we all thought like marigolds, the government wouldn't have a headache over our rapidly aging population. i foresee a campaign to promote Merrygoldism soon- old is no longer gold. instead, drink, be merry, live fast and die young.

hmm..i'm good. i think i'll try for a government job after i graduate, to help in policy making.

told you growing marigold makes you feel good about yourself.

guess what the product in question is?

a tampon.

firstly, i do not personally see the link, and secondly, i have tried both, and trust me, the ears were easier.

this just about sums up all, if not most ads. they lie through their ears, and they can be VERY irrelevant.

my love-hate relationship with library staff

lately i have been stuck in the Central Library in a futile bid to get started on my honours thesis..

Friday 11th jan

and it doesn't help that i am blur (i did say that i would TRY my best). i kept reserving the wrong stuffs cause i got the wrong numbers. i just knew i was bad with numbers. after the library staff carried thick heavy stacks amounting to years of Her World magazines to the counter (which takes an hour of waiting on my part), i realised i had made just a lil mistake. apparently HWM doesn't stand for Her World magazine. it stands for Her World Malaysia. i did the only rationale thing to do.
*call it a day and make quick getaway*

Monday 14th jan

i'm back! a weekend should erase all memories (and/or) bad feelings about the student who made them perform weight lifting for nothing.
*requests for more copies of Her World*
somehow, and i dunno just how, when i went to claim what i thought i had reserved, the malay librarian greeted me with copies of Jelita (some Malay mag) and some random honours thesis.

"wow, impressive, you can read Malay ar, girl!"
"wad u need so many mags for?"
"i need to..find some ads."
"wad kind of ads?"
"erm...sanitary pad ads."
"oh, u r a model ar."

i couldn't tell if it was a compliment.

" i'm analysing them for a paper."

she proceeds to flip through Jelita and totters off to exclaim to another librarian about some woman she sees in the mag.
i call after her that she could have it and i run off.

i think i could be at this for years.

Monday, January 14, 2008

men like women who like men

an excerpt from Female magazine back in the 1980s.

"Most women have not thought in any detail about whether or not they like men."

read: there could be many more lesbians out there than we imagined.

"In order to like men, it is necessary to go beyond fears and idealizations. You have to go beyond your own insecurities. In short, you have to learn to accept men."

read: i am a MCP who comes home from work and lies on the couch all night. You have any problems with that, you insecure bitch?

"Smart women like men after they demystify them."

read: all lesbians are un-smart. The only reason why they are not into the male specie is cause they lack the capability to understand them.

"Their (smart women's) emotional life doesn't prevent them from seeing men clearly."

read: 'smart women' don't cry even when they are emotional. If you stopped crying for a minute and dried your eyes your vision wouldn't be so blur you idiot!

"While women frequently think they understand men, much of what they know is determined by myth, cliché and stereotype."

read: hey, don't pigeon-hole us! not all men are couch potatoes. some men enjoy going to the gym and then admiring their new-found muscles in the mirror tirelessly.

did we really achieve our goal of independance and freedom from 42 years ago?

Monday, January 7, 2008

A week has passed and I have yet to come up with any noteworthy New Year resolutions. Deeply perturbed, I decided to make myself a nice hot cup of tea with a mug I got for Christmas.

Isn’t the cup just cute??!! Now every time I drink tea, I think of the person who gave me this cup. For something that doesn’t cost a fortune, it makes a great gift since

1. everyone has to drink water, if not tea.
2. everytime they drink, they think of you/ remember that you care (aren’t these what the goals of gift-giving ultimately fall under?)

Hence, I come up with my first New Year resolution:


As I blog about this, I recall that my blog address is, for reasons obvious to those who know me. There I have it, my second New Year resolution for the day:


Morals learnt from this post:
a) Always set achievable goals (or at least phrase them in an achievable manner).
b) Always sip a nice hot cup of tea and blog about what is bothering you; the answer will come to you naturally.

Happy New Year, everyone!

Sunday, January 6, 2008

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Wikipeedia: mystery of the female toileteers

toileteer (n)-- a relatively new term coined by a bored blogger to describe a person who uses a toilet- which happens to be everybody. in recent days it is often used to describe people who frequent the toilet for long periods of time in each visit. the phrase female toileteer is much more commonly employed than male toileteer due to a mysterious phenomenum.

Ever since the advent of shopping centres with clean nice toilets, the female population has been spending mysteriously longer and longer periods of time in these toilets. At times, long queues of female toileteers can be spotted outside toilets with lower capacities.

It is understandable that the male population biologically takes a shorter period of time in the toilet since historical times, as the time needed for squatting down (as in the case of the female population) need not be factored in for this group of people. Culture has increased the time difference between these two groups of people via the invention of jeans. Males need only to undo a zipper, while females donning these garments have to unzip, pull down and then sit down; which takes a much longer time especially more so as the latter population enjoy purchasing these garments in sizes too small for them.

Gu (2008), a pioneer in toileteer studies, has broken down the theoretical timeframe of toileteering into the following components:

Assumption: all subjects are wearing jeans.
Note: For females, the time frame of queuing for cubicles is not taken into consideration as this is a theoretical assessment; this waiting period is a circular result of the above stated phenomenon.


1. Unzip (2 to 5 seconds, dependant on zipper quality)
2. Pee (8 to 24 seconds, dependant on urgency and bladder of subject)
3. Zip up (2 to 5 seconds, dependant on previously stated similar factor)
Total theoretical time taken: 12 to 34 seconds

Without Period
1. Close door and Lock (3 to 15 seconds, dependant on the lock type and intellect of the subject)
2. Unbutton, Unzip, Pull down and Sit/ Squat (4 to 18 seconds, dependant on ability of subject to choose fitting garment size)
3. Pee (8 to 24 seconds, dependant on urgency and bladder of subject)
4. Button, Zip up, Pull up and Stand up (4 to 18 seconds, dependant on ability of subject to choose fitting garment size)
5. Unlock and Open door (3 to 15 seconds, dependant on the lock type and intellect and/or memory of the subject)
Total theoretical time taken: 22 to 90 seconds

With Period
1. Close door and Lock (3 to 15 seconds, dependant on the lock type and intellect of the subject)
2. Unbutton, Unzip, Pull down and Sit/ Squat (4 to 18 seconds, dependant on ability of subject to choose fitting garment size)
3. Pee (8 to 24 seconds, dependant on urgency and bladder of subject)
4. Change pad/ tampon (10 to 25 seconds, dependant on choice of female hygiene product and skill of subject)
5. Button, Zip up, Pull up and Stand up (4 to 18 seconds, dependant on ability of subject to choose fitting garment size)
6. Unlock and Open door (3 to 15 seconds, dependant on the lock type and intellect and/or memory of the subject)
Total theoretical time taken: 32 to 115 seconds

Largest theoretical time difference: 115 – 12 = 103 seconds or 1 min 43 seconds

Time difference in practice, also and more commonly known as bored-male-waiting time: 5 to 12 min

Despite advancements in technology, this mystery remains unsolvable. No researcher has managed to get permission from the newly set-up NUS Institutional Review Board (IRB) to go ahead with the research topic due to ethical issues related to privacy, and the thought of unraveling the mystery to others outside of their kind on their own accord never occurred to any professional female toileteers. The few select females who spend short periods of time in the toilet are extinct unable to be reached for comment.

This unsolvable mystery has resulted in the risk-of-illegal-gathering-phenomenum, where groups of singular males are seen loitering around the area outside the toilets. When this area is too small, these males have to stand closer to one another, hence giving off an illusion of an illegal gathering should an over-enthusiastic but uninformed policeman pass by.