Tuesday, October 30, 2007

my bf and i...we have serious communication problem. this is the furthest we go in communication about our communication problem.

dude. i feel like we can't communicate on a deeper level, you know what i mean?

no i don't.

no, don't give me that. say something constructive.

cement. bricks.


u know. constructive.

i am amazed u can still walk.


u know. lame.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

speaking proper english kills

Ah Beng: eh, y u looking at me? wan to fight izit?

Nerdy: umm no- to both questions, actually. I wasn't casting a glance in your direction.

Ah Beng: eh. wad toking u huh. i see u look at me first.

Nerdy: sir, that's logically flawed. You see, YOU would have to be looking at me first, if you could catch that very moment that I turned to cast a glance at you, which I most certainly, to the best of my very vast knowledge and thick glasses, didn't. At least not until you chatted me up. Also, your manner of speech is hard to grasp. You should be saying: "What are you talking about? I caught you looking at me first."

Ah Beng: k*n*n*b*c*c*b* $#%@ ka kia, show him our logik arrr!!

Nerdy: it's logic, not logik. You might also like to paraphrase- "Let him have a taste of our logic" sounds more menacing. What's ka kia, by the way?

Thursday, October 4, 2007

Auditions for A Story About Life now on!!

Join the once in a lifetime opportunity to feature in a production and be spotted by the producer's exclusively few friends now!! Sure beats existing as a mere ornament to collect dust... So bring your friends and come on down to audition for the chance of your pretty short lifetime. (or shelf-life?)

What are you waiting for?

I sure hope they can read. And also own a computer. With Internet connection.

The mysteries of life: why skin is called the horny layer

Or rather, the mystery (at least until I think of more) of life.

Men who molest women publicly are (lecherous and disgusting aside, that we all know) thick-skinned. What then gives them the kick of touching women since they can’t really feel whatever they are touching too well due to their thick horny epidermal layers?

I think I should compile more mysteries of life and publish them into a book as my backup retirement plan. Oh wait, that was like, two mysteries in one. Whoppie! I can go publish my book on The Mysteries of Life NOW!

Posted in memory of bored buddy. May you rest in peace and not boredom.

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

i hate edible-litter bugs

There is only one thing worse than a litterbug, and that is litterbugs who throw edible litter. (I had to put that hyphen in the title in case people thought I hated to eat litter bugs. Not that it isn’t true; I’m vegetarian). I used to think that throwing edibles was better than throwing inedibles, cause edibles would decompose into bio-wadever anyway, and could also feed some smaller animals, after which the leftover would be carried away by a bunch of conscientious ants born into this world to do manual labour. What caused me to change my mind?

1. It causes domestic pets, namely greedy and oblivious Snowflake, to spend twenty minutes of her walking time eating some half-decomposed cuttlefish that someone discarded on the floor. The obvious problems with that?
A) I, as her owner, have to wait for her to eat up cause she is ferocious about guarding outside food. Outside food- hah.
B) She might fall sick from eating decomposed cuttlefish.
C) Her owner has to worry about her falling sick over decomposed cuttlefish.
D) And her bad breath.

2. It causes wild animals to grow dependant on foods that we humans throw onto the floor. It could cause an eco-imbalance as all animals started growing evolutionary dependences and innate inclinations and likings towards edible-litter bugs. This might in turn encourage them to litter since some animal is always there (and fighting) to clean up after them anyway. Or worse, if a human who had a common cold threw away some half-eaten germ-infested cuttlefish onto the floor and a bird ate it and developed bird flu, the bird would pass it on to us. How else do you think bird flu came about? I didn’t have to consult Google to know that. God, I’m ingenious.

3. It decomposes on the floor and contributes to nothing but bad smells and potential slipper-stickers. Look, if the person had thrown $$, everyone would run to pick it up. If the person had thrown non-edibles, someone is bound to either pick it up and throw it away (the cleaner), or pick it up as his/her own. But if you throw edibles, the cleaner might miss the litter, cause food, especially when decomposed, is of an earthy/ not-eye-catching colour (think banana skin). Even if it is not decomposed, foods are seldom brightly coloured, since nature’s colours are usually earthy. Can you imagine eating fluorescent green pear and neon pink apple?

4. Edible-litter bugs are themselves not edible (I think). I couldn’t even eat them alive to alleviate my sufferings. And I am not rich enough/ know any professional edible-litter bug killer that I could hire. And the last I remembered, pesticide did not work on litterbugs. I think the bug was too big for the small aerosol can.

I hate edible-litterbugs.